Recovery?

'Take time to make your soul happy' - This is something I've been trying to do a lot more of lately, despite the absolute whirlwind within my mind, despite the chaos. I put in those headphones and listen to the songs that cause a smile, putting on the volume and allowing music to soak into my sensitive soul. I also spend 30 minutes a day stretching those limbs with yoga; 30 minutes of peace and quiet, of just myself and a yoga mat. I make friends with muti-vitamins and pro-biotics, I take time to enjoy my sweet coffee, I try very hard to cancel out those niggling thoughts and constant demands of anorexia and EUPD. 

Anorexia makes me believe I am invincible, I've made friends with 2 O'clock in the morning as I sneak around the house, insomnia clutching at my hands. 4 am; my breath would touch the first light of the sky, the fresh sunrise air. I became afraid of nothing, anorexia became my shield, my armour. 

But as I sit here, in this meeting, care/co and psychologist before me, as I sit here and fiddle with the loose thread on my t-shirt, as I sit here and agree to try and reduce certain behaviours, I realise what that means, it means vulnerability, it means embracing my shy, awkward, sensitive self, it means being raw and honest and it means taking off that armour. And that TERRIFIES me. But it also means taking the time to make my soul happy.