Hospital stings my sensitive soul, the type of stinging that makes your eyes burn and your skin itch. I work my way through boxes of tissues as my emotions become uncontrollable and suffocate me. I sit here, now, today, fresh out of hospital, hospital bands still attached to my wrists, pale/green complexion, collarbones so sharp that my clothes hang with a form of delicacy. I wonder what I need to do to let go, how do I untie myself from the chains of anorexia?
Whilst in hospital I rang my psychologist from my local eating disorder treatment team, I cling tight to my crisp white bed sheets as my voice wobbles and my nerves shake. She is use to this, she is use to the sound of my breaking voice, she is use to seeing the sharp shivers of anorexia. I was put on IV fluids, along with other IV's and medications but the 1.5 litres of IV fluids spun my mind into a web of fear and absolute terror, so I rang my psychologist, she tells me on repeat, that it's absolutely okay to have IV fluids, that I need it, that I absolutely need to allow this to happen. But how. HOW?
How have I got myself into such a desperate state?
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