An Eating Disorder - A Day in the life.

The cold bitterness wraps its self in and around you, suffocating you with its sharp shivers. You'll find me sat on the floor, tucked away in my room, my back against the radiator, burning the skin that tries so desperately hard to hold everything together, cradling a mug of spiced herbal tea, with hands that are trying desperately hard to keep their grip. What you won't see is how beaten down one can feel, how the constant back chat doesn't have a STOP button. You don't see the ear piercing headaches of the constant screams and demands. You don't see the invisible bruises from the verbal punches you receive day in and day out. And you don't see the moments throughout the day where you are crippled with loneliness, as it is quite literally yourself and your eating disorder, battling it out, in the cold bitterness of your own mind.

It's like you're possessed. You live and breathe food, think and dream food, a walking calculator; calories consumed, calories burnt. You eat your supper, so carefully prepared, and feel the twist and turns of the stomach as it wonders what to do on this occasion of being fed. The hands slowly feeding the body, moving the food carefully as if it is as fragile as the person who needs feeding.
Exhaustion creeps in, silently, Wide eyed, head heavy of thoughts, having arguments with eyes that do not sleep, with a mind that does not switch off.